Thoughts of a Monday Morning

After they all leave, they don't just leave. They leave marks, scars and haunting dreams. They leave memories, places, songs and it's all harder than it seems.

Literally avoiding certain streets and certain places in order not to think, an overwhelming rush of thoughts that flashes suddenly, overlapped, fast, painful, different glimpses from different times, unorganized, messy, breathtaking and mind absent memories. But what after the run? For how long are we going to run away from all this craziness? Takes time, eh ? Time should heal, eh? Years! God! YEARS! Scars are there, fears are there, a lot has changed, a lot has happened, a lot is yet to happen, feelings changed, feelings went on and off, feelings went here and there and everywhere. But, fear is still there. Fear. Only fear. 

They all leave and leave you with memories and words. Walls and streets that reminds you of them. Songs playing in the background while your laughter lasted. Then you feel rage, rage inside your chest like it is going to explode. As if your lungs can no longer be captivated inside you. As if your heart is so damn enlarged that it cannot really beat but too slowly or extremely fast but never again normal. Then your eyebrows get mixed up, too close together, can't help your lips to smile and cannot force your face to soften, you are hurt. You are hurt in every meaning of it. Not just from them but from the world. You are absolutely paralyzed every time and every moment and whatever you do for a change, for trying to make it a better place, for trying to make a difference, it feels like a drop in the ocean. Did the ocean increase? Did the ocean decrease? Nope. Nothing.

I remember. Damn it. I used not to. But I remember. Details, words, songs, smiles, mistakes, games, walks, talks and all the damn thing. Well, not the whole damn thing let's not get carried away.