A Little While.

For a couple of weeks I have been wondering. What is worse? To take wrong decisions based on logic and deep thinking? Or to take wrong decisions based on previous wrong ones?
Because I know, I really do know, I no longer take right decisions, or even get close to that.

So, what’s it gonna be? Which fatal mistake am I about to do next? What disaster am I bringing to my life?
I am talented, so talented, at making a mess within my little head out of nowhere really. Aren’t we all eventually? A mess within a mess to create a whole new mess?

A mess of making a right choice out of two wrong ones. The irony is, everyone around seems to be almost sure which decision am I about to make. Why aren’t I?
Everytime on my way back, I feel a mix between homesickness and the total opposite of it. What do we call the total opposite of homesickness? Is it belonging? Because, if it is so, I think I rarely felt that either. I only felt it for a little while.

A little while that cannot be erased or forgotten. A little while in a weird way seems to have happened a decade ago, and  lasted for a very few seconds. Yet, it was neither. A little while that keeps me going on the memory of it, and drives me into emptiness at the very same time.

A little while that didn’t have the chance to be repeated, and was forbidden the right to be reborn.
And I know, stupidly know that I would do anything for it to survive. And I know, that no one would do so.

Just.. let go little girl. Stop trying and let go. Let go of that little while for a long while.
But, would she really listen? Would she stop messing within my head? At least for a little while?