A 10 years cycle.

Not only our circles that repeat and loop. There are other ones that you may have known about, other ones in the past 10 years of my so called life.
I have been the same annoying, arrogant, irresponsible, aggressive human being since then. Come to think of it, I have not really changed.

I have changed on the surface though, the clothes, the way I laugh, the random smiles I give to random people, the way I tried to listen to people, and perhaps the way I talk.

But, deep inside, oh dear god, I have not.
Same anxiety towards same old things,
Same fear of losing close people till I truly lose them.
Same stubbornness within my stubborn rock head.

Going through old memories within my head and within the virtual life, I found out that I am repeating the same stories if not even pushing you to the same ends.

I meet good people and turn them into bad ones.
Which reflects a huge question on my soul.. Are you a good one my dear soul?

I fear the answer. But we all know it, don't we?
I am the bad guy in the story. In. Every. Story.
It must be..
It is always me.

I feel guilty towards everything around me, and I have failed plenty of times to save what is left.
If anything, I am the one who is finishing on the leftovers.

I thought I did my best to save what can be saved.. but, turned to be that.. I did my best to destroy it.

How can I live with my soul each day knowing that she hates me just as much as I do hate her?
How can I look myself in the mirror, hating the fake fat image of me?
How can I listen to my own voice when it is the last that I want to speak?

No, dearest. It is not about you.
It is not about anyone but my own sick self.

It is a 10 year cycle. If not more..
It is me who dragged you in it.
I hope if you can ever forgive me..